Reservoir Dogs PC Review
Eidos, Lionsgate, PC 2006
FlatOut 2 Review by Raffman, August 22nd, 2006

Potential. We've all been told we've had it, yet not everyone lives up to it. Reservoir Dogs for the PC is one of those games that has enormous potential, but in the end fails pretty hellaciously. Before I dive into the lengthy list of pros and cons, let me give you a little foreword on what type of game we're dealing with here. Reservoir Dogs is, yes that's right, based on the film! How about that? As far as what genre this game falls under, besides bad of course, that's where it gets a little murky. The best way to describe what Resovoir Dogs for the PC is like is part Max Payne, Part Grand Theft Auto, part Reservoir Dogs. Does that make any sense? Yes? No? Maybe so? Well whatever, since I'm a "glass half full" type of guy, let's start with the cons and end on a good note; yes, there are good things about this game that actually make it fun. Some of the time.

As Reservoir Dogs was installing, I spent my "downtime" reading up on some previews around the interweb. To be honest, after reading about what you can do in this game I was more than excited, but once she was ready to play the frustation began. I began the game with the team assembling, and I had to go through all the necessary training like how to take hostages, how to take cover, how to drop the f-bomb to po-po's so they know I'm serious, you know, so I don't get myself killed once the real heists start. The first thing you'll notice in the training is the music; it's awesome, and it's straight from the movie. Here's the problem though, the music during the training was outrageously loud. By loud I mean you couldn't hear the characters talking during the training, so unless you can read lips, I don't know what to tell you. I never changed the audio options folked, that was the default setting for some reason that's beyond human comprehension.

Now onto the con that really degrades this game from the get-go, and that's the freezing. I don't know what the makes this game ate to make my system freeze at the most random times, but it happened constantly. By constantly I mean over, and over, and over again. Not a soft freeze either; I'm talking having to manually shut off your friggen computer each and every time the damn thing happens. And it happens a lot; did I mention that? In retrospect, you fuckers owe me for putting up with 300 some freezes just to finish this damn game so I could review it. Look at that, I'm swearing profusely now over a game review; that's how mad I'm getting! Games are supposed to be fun, not frustrating to the point where you want to hit Mr. Pink in the face with a tack hammer. Hey-Zues Chris.

Sigh, I was just going to take a screenshot and it froze again.

For my third and final con, I point to the game in general. Lez start with the graphics. The environments are bland, the special effects are weak sauce, and the environments are bland. Oops, you see that? The graphics are so bland that the overwhelming blandness has saturated my writing. That's how seriously boring this game looks. Graphics aside, there are about a gazillion other things that will make you scratch your head if you have the courage or ample patience to sit through this train wreck of a game, but since I don't want to spend four days writing this review let's just touch on a few of them. How about those police officers? They don't wear body armor, yet they can take 3 point blank shotgun blasts to the neck like it's a paintball gun? Wtf? Or how about the targeting mode while you're driving the getaway car? What's the point of locking in on something for five seconds to get a perfect shot when you drive by it in less than two? You get my point.

Enough smack talk, let's get on with the bright spots so I can end this crappy review. Let's start with Reservoir Dog's core gameplay. Just like KOTOR and Fable, you have a choice of taking alternate paths via a professional or a pyschopath. Albeit it's not "good and evil", but it's still a cool system that makes this game actually somewhat enjoyable. Specifically you can either act professionally, ie, let hostages live, or you can go the madman route by killing cops, hostages, and whoever else gets in your way. Both paths offer different challenges, as some situations it's almost impossible to shoot your way out (like when cops have uber-steel necks that deflect shotgun blasts), while at some times it might be easier to do just that. As I mentioned way up in the beginning how this game is part Max Payne, I was referring to the slow-motion mode which Eidos has dubbed the "Bullet Festival". It's basically the same thing as Max Payne's "bullet time", or the one in "F.E.A.R.", and it's still a blast. Honestly, the majority of the gameplay in Reservoir Dogs is enjoyable because it's so basic; yet that's also one of the biggest problems.

Reservoir Dogs for the PC is a game that had a lot of potential, but for whatever reason the develops at Eidos decided to publish this game anyway even though major issues still existed. You'll honestly have a blast taking hostages, shooting cops, jamming to the soundtrack, and flying down the streets at high speeds, but the problems this game brings with it far outweigh the stuff that will make you smile. Reservoir Dogs, with a little extra polish and TLC, coulda been a great game. But you know the saying, "Coulda, woulda, shoulda".


Rating:
Presentation - 6.0
Graphics - 5.0
Sound - 7.0
Gameplay - 5.0

Overall - 5.75 (Not so hot.)

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