Article by Chris Ruesink, Guest Columnist to College Downtime
Written on 3/23/05 - Check out the rest of Chris' articles at his site, The Lushed.

I look at the world today and I see so much petty bullshit. It really does aggravate me, but I think if I was King of the world, I could fix all the problems. Don't get me wrong I do like our "democratic" government and I like George Bush (sorry Liberals better luck next time…), but since I'm a 20 year old college student, nobody listens to me. My advisors would be composed of Dave Chapelle, Seth McFarlin (writer of Family Guy), and Adam Sandler.

If you're thinking none of those people are serious, you're absolutely correct. (Also Dave is black and I agree with equal opportunity employment) But I've never seen a funny politician and I hate the way they are doing shit, so what the hell. The World song would definitely be "Sublime – What I got", because I too can play the guitar like a mother fuckin riot and the lyrics just work… who the hell cares if their mom smokes pot?

The first issue I would deal with all these fanatics who are always fighting these religious wars or jihads. How do you fix this problem you might ask? Well it's really quite simple… what do you do with two little kids that wont keep their hands off each other? You put them in different places where they can't hurt each other. Here is how we solve it, get a bunch those patty wagons that they use to move prisoners and we will transport each one of the problem makers to an island and let them live their life not only peacefully, but not annoying me everyday on CNN. Also it will be hard to blow shit up with just some palm trees and coconuts… unless they can just McGyver it.

People who are perfectly normal who are constantly in a pity party who don't want to put the effort to live a normal life and want to kill themselves or go up on top of a building (just for the attention) and use my tax dollars for the cops to come save them would just be allowed to die. I'm sorry I know that's not very companionate, but if you don't like your life then I don't like you either and I'm not wasting my money to try and convince you to live. Every Seven Eleven would carry those cyanide pills and if your pissed your lady just because she was impregnated by your best friend, stop on by, and pick one up. Not to mention we have 6 billion people on earth, we don't need you. Which brings me to the next point, I would not bury you, you would be fed to sharks. If you don't like your life you're not going to waste space in a cemetery with some headstone that says some little neat antedote which isn't true.

I know everyone hates taxes, shit 20% of my pay check goes somewhere and I have no idea where. Not like I can google my tax dollars. Well I did see this Christmas special this year where this guy from Washington got to fly all over the country and pick out a Christmas tree for the white house. I was glad to see they use my tax dollars for good use. But this is how I will fix it, College Students and High Schoolers won't have to pay taxes because there is no reason to suck the money out of the already poor Ramen Noodle eating generation. Also people who are over the age of 55 will not pay taxes. They need their money for hips. That way you only pay taxes for the part of your life you are making decent money.

I know you agree with me. If you don't I don't care. Please stick around for more reasons I should be King of the World. Keep it real – Chris Ruesink

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