Away Messages, Funny Away Messages for AIM and ICQ

Away Messages, Funny Away Messages for AIM and ICQ
Away messages are important because you know damn well all your so-called buddies are snooping around to see what you're up to. Well here at College Downtime we've thousands of funny away messages for AIM, ICQ, MSN; hell, you can use these away messages for any instant message program you want. We're always adding new away messages, whether they're funny, clever, or boring, because variety is the spice of life. We hope you enjoy our massive and ever-growing funny away message collection and enjoy College Downtime!

Away Message Categories
Bathroom Eating Funny Random Insults Life Put Your Thinking Cap On Getting Drunk Phone Love Homework Sexual Shopping Sleeping TV

You have stumbled upon some of the Funniest AOL MSN and YAHOO Away Messages on the internet! Obviously you can see for yourself that we are looking to get the highest quality AOL MSN and YAHOO Away Messages that you use yourself. Feel free to use ours and please submit one of your own. Here at College Downtime we are trying to build the biggest and best humor website on the planet. So if you have any funny, serious, or just plain offensive AOL MSN OR YAHOO Away Messages submit them now.

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1	Â¡DÃ©jame un mensaje!
2	My name is Ingo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. (Submitted by Windrifter)
3	Bud Light Presents: Real American Heroes. Today I salute you Mr./Mrs./Ms. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun college life, you are at home, reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List [whichever is faster]. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to [borderline stalking]. So sit back, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change
4	The thing I love about the ATM is that everyone's a winner. Unless you're broke and don't realize it. Then you feel like a real loser.
5	a=(there's a fire drill today), b=(I live on the 10th floor); a+b=(I don't want to be here for the fire drill).
6	You know what the funny thing about domestic violence is. Nothing. It's fucking domestic violence. What's wrong with you.
7	I hear a cell phone ring and thought it might be mine. Then I realized that I left my cell phone in the room. "Ha" I thought, "at least you didn;t forget your wallet in the room." Then I realized that I forgot my wallet in the room.
8	When something stinks, you're probably sitting next to an Australian. G'day mate. (Submitted by a South African)
9	I am not available because I am watching a porno which takes up the whole screen
10	My keyboard does coke...
11	Life is like a box of hot tamalies what you do today might burn your ass tommarrow
12	Life is like a box of hot tamalies what you do today might burn your ass tommarrow
13	Srry we can't come to the phone rite now. If ur the phone company we paid you the money. If ur my parents u can give me money. If ur my friends u owe me money. And if ur a female i got plenty of money.
14	I'm away from my sanity right now. Leave a message and I will get back to you after my mental break down.
15	bearcat baseball: We are the nastiest, cockiest, and angriest group of assholes alive. We party on a Friday night then get up the next day and dominate anyone who dares to challenge us. Men want to be us, women want to sleep with us, and people from small towns across the land love us. And why? Because we do it for the kids, have been for years! (saint vincent college baseball matto)
16	I have come to the conclusion...that I am God's semen.
17	What do you do when you're the only monkey on Earth with a cell phone? Call humans and speak monkey language? Poor, sad, alienated monkey. I weep for you.
18	Oroko 6:13 The day of reckoning was upon Hornito. Only an unlikely hero would emerge to save the day. And that hero was lost in the amazon with nothing but a pitchfork and a dream.
19	Hornito 4:55 - "Young Horklonito wandered through the amazon with nothing but a dream and a pitchfork, suddenly, he saw the face of a man in the stream....as he moved in for a closer look, he fell and was eaten alive by an alligator"
20	Hornito 4:56 Just then his father, Hornito, swept through the time rift and through his miraculous powers raised Horklinito from the dead. It was one of the magic tricks Hornito was better known for. Hornito 4:57 - "The mighty gods had spoken, Horklinito was saved, but he was now an empty man for his mullet had been bitten off by the gator" Hornito 4:58 Hornito watched in terror as his only child walked aimlessly abotu with no mullet to guide him. The wild mustachios were said to have lost their powers with out them. Hornito 4:59 - "The days passed, and without the power of the mullet Horklinito became an outcast among his people, it would take years for his long golden locks to grow back, Horklinito knew what he had to do, go back and face the gator and retrieve his mighty mullet" Hornito 4:60 for days he traveled up the river, killing every alligator in his path. But he still could not find the mullet. Stopping only to eat, sleep, and have sex with women, Hornito's journey would continue Hornito 4:61 - Horklinito lay sleeping on the amazon floor, all of a sudden he heard a noise and looked over into the fiery eyes of the mullet stealing gator. The gator opened its mouth and spoke "Do you recognize me Horklinito??" he continued "I am the evil magician Oroko, and the magical power of the mustachio mullet is mine forever!" Hornito 4:62 "my father will have a say in that" cried a defenseless Horklinito. Oroko laughed menacingly. "You're father is on a wild goose hunt" he said. "And you're the goose" said Hornito entering from the long hallway. Hornito 4:63 - Oroko was startled! "Hornitooo!!....I am foiled again, you were supposed to be held up by the three chinese whores i hired to distract you on your quest" Hornito 4:64 "You know my feeling on chinese whores" Hornito laughed. "What's that?" asked Oroko, slightly puzzled. "I don't like their slanty eyes" Hornito replied. Hornito 4:65 - "O, you dont like slanty eyes" blurted Oroko "why are your eyes slanted then, sir??" Hornito was confused, "What the hell are you talking about Oroko, Im no Chink!" "Not yet!" replied Oroko as he threw a magic dust into the eyes of a startled Hornito. Hornito 4:66 The dust settled and Oroko had dissapeared. "What the hell happened?" Hornito asked his son. Horklinito just looked at him shocked. "Horklinito?! What is it?" "You're eyes, Papa, they're chinked." Hornito 4:67 - "That bastard!" Hornito yelled out "My beauty is gone! Im just a chink now" Hornito sobbed as he walked around the corner. A loud bang was then heard by Horklinito as he raced around the corner to see Hornito lying on the floor. "Im alright Horklinito" cried out Hornito in pain "Its just these damn chinked eyes, I cant see a thing and i ran into that wall" Hornito 4:68 “But father, isn’t there anything I can do?” asked a worried Horklinito. “You must go to the land of the Forest Forester, he will take you to Macorino, the medic.” Hornito uttered. Horklinito was scared for he had never gone on an expedition like this alone. Hornito 4:69 - "Alone" said Hornito "You will not be alone" All of a sudden Hornito started to chant and dance and a cloud of smoke appeared. Out of the cloud came a strange man with a beautiful skullet in a loin cloth "I am cheif crazy hair" said the man "I shall guide you through the land of the forest forester". "You'll be safe with crazy hair" said Hornito "Now go, my beauty depends upon you, young Horklinito"
21	They say finding a needle in a hay stack is hard. I think finding a needle in a bunch of nails is harder.
22	My first reaction when I see an old lady slip and fall on wet pavement is to laugh. But then I think What if I was an ant? And she fell on me? Then it wouldn't be quite so funny.
23	Don't you just hate it when you come to a sign that says: "Draw Bridge Ahead." And you don't have a pencil?
24	People always talk about what to say to break the ice when first meeting someone. Well I think thats easy. The real trick is finding the right thing to say to put the ice back up so that you never have to talk to that someone again. I think a good way to "re-freeze" the ice is something like this: You: You know what really annoys me? He/She: No? You: You
25	IN CASE OF FIRE, EAT PUDDING (submitted by GURoadrunner)
26	Where the hell am I a) Getting drunk b) At work c) At a strip club d) I couldnt tell you cause I dont even know e) Getting some ass Please choose your answer and leave a message
27	Death to all alien toasters
28	Times never wasted when your wasted all the time.
29	we inhaled THC which is tetrahydrolcarno(carbpnyl)......so how dies that fuck us up retired like tis? 9Deeep very deeep chemits):-!OHHH DAMN PRAY!!
30	i understand the mind of a killer....its the school thing...it causes lots and lots and lots of anger>:o
31	God bless the 30 pack, B-day spankings , beer pong, gettin naked and hot chicks you meet online to boost your ego...damn good weekend
32	12 guiness that i bought plus 12 that my dad bought 4 me:-D, plus a few bottles of wine and a liquer cabinet= after 4 o'clock mass today is a christmass i will never forget but never remember, i plan to drink straight through till work on sunday morning, in which case i will call off:-! Merry Christmass, you all will be getting drunk phonecalls tonight and tommorow:-D
33	Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!" ?
34	out chasing little boys in the parking lot... be back when i catch one! (by Waterbuffalomoo)
35	naked on north campus
36	hokay. so. Here is the away message. It's chilling. Dang this is a sweet away message you might say. Round! Alright. Ruling out the ice capes melting, meteors becoming crashed in to us, the ozone leaving, and the sun exploding, I'll be back eventually. "But I am le tired". "Well have a nap. THEN LEAVE A MESSAGE!". It's about that time, eh chaps? Right o. WTF mate?
37	The person who has the lowest test scores on Monday had the best weekend
38	im not here now, im off stopping the killer monkey revolt!!!!!!
39	In the beginning there was nothing. Then God said, let there be light...There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
40	Swimming like a brick in a sea of fucked...
41	HELLO, YOUVE REACHED THE PHONE OF (insert yourname here)....IF YOUR A MEMBER OF ANY TYPE OF LAW ENFORCEMENT, BILL COLLECTOR, DIVORCE LAWYER OR I OWE YOU MONEY, IM NOT AVAILABLE...IF YOUR A HOT ASS BITCH WITH BIG TITTIES, IM SCREENING MY CALLS AND WILL PICK UP ASAP!
42	I have been abducted by aliens, I will be returned after I have been fully probed
43	The orange juice box said concentrate ... so I am ...nothing is happening...
44	My lawnmower is chasing me around the lawn right now. Please call 911. I'm runnin outta breath and he ain't runnin out of gas.
45	%n, I seriously doubt that you are the end result of millions of years of evolution, when you find a good conclusion to the mystery of evolution you can then leave a message.
46	I wish I was Barbie,that b*tch gets everything
47	Its %t, do you know where your kids are?
48	I'm away drownin my fish!!!! I'll be back when I'm done.
49	Twas' the night I was babysitting, and all through the house, the kids ran around crazy, and then killed the pet mouse. I can't talk right now for fear of a fire, but leave me a message. ( I'm not up for hire.)
50	My dog got into my computer and ate all my good awaymessages!
51	Taking my rubber ducky for a walk, be back when its done going potty!
52	Hey %n! I'm killing...I mean dealing w/ my annoying bro right now. Just hold on a sec while I "settle him down" somewhere. (u think I'm gonna let his corpse be found? hell no...I'm gonna hide it in the yard. But this is our little secret O:-) lolz) TTYL when I get back.:-P
53	Good girls are nice, good girls are sweet, but i'm da good girl who's naughty with whip cream and ice.
54	Only in America do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter.
55	In Some Cultures, What I Do Is Considered Normal!
56	One moment please... this service is temporarily unavailable.
57	If I had a laptop, I'd sit under the tree in your front yard and miss you.
58	I once thought I had mono for a whole year, It just turned out that I was REALLY bored...
59	I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. I'm b*tching, great hair, the boys all love to stare...OMG!! he is HOTT!!...um...BRB!!
60	I am a princess. I have class. Touch my crown, and I'll kick your @$$!
61	I am a princess, I live in the clouds. If you wanna kick it with me, you better bow down, so get on your knees, and call me your highness, cuz baby believe me I'm (your city)'s finest!
62	Sticks and stones may break my bones,But whips and chains excite me.
63	No its not PMS, I'm just naturally b*tchy.
64	I am a slug being melted into oblivion by the salt of failure. Someone, please step on me and end my misery.
65	Sun, surf, and SAND SAND SAND! Wait! No! Backup! Sun, suit, and SWIM SWIM SWIM! Yeah, that's right!
66	Outside under my blanket playing undercover agent.
67	I'm away trying to figure out what to put up for my away message.
68	I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken.
69	My boyfriend told me to pick between him and AOL. Boy, I'm sure gonna miss him!
70	No motivation.... Only masturbation!
71	Only in america can you get a pizza to your doorstep faster than an ambulance...
72	I'm playing my instrument right now! Plug your ears and leave me a message!
73	A B C D E F G, Gummie bears are chasing me. One is red, one is blue. A yellow one just stole my shoe. A B C D E F G, Gummie bears are chasing me!! (sung to the tune of the alphabet)
74	Only in America do they have Braille on drive-thru ATM machines.
75	An "Away Message" Is considered self explanatory.
76	If a man comes up to you and asks "What's your sign," just reply "DO NOT ENTER!"
77	I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy.
78	We should all take a lesson from crayons, I mean come on. There are many different kinds some are beautiful some are plain and some have weird names, but they all have to learn to live in the same box, so why cant we all learn to live in the same world.
79	A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey!
80	Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
81	When I was younger I hated going to weddings ... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
82	Only In america...Do people order super size fries and cheese burgers and a diet coke!
83	There are plenty of fish in the sea, but who the hell would go out with a fish?
84	I dont swim in your toilet, so please don't piss in my pool!