Valet Parking and Cucumber Loofas
Written by Raffman - May 14th, 2004

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Nicholas Berg is now a familiar name. I'm sure all of you have either seen the images and or video somewhere on the net or on your television screens. Just this morning I decided to watch the video and it shocked me; not because of what happened but how it was fucking done. The executor literally saws Bergs head off with a small knife instead of taking one big, instantaneous swing. If any of you haven't seen this video yet, you should. Not because I want you to see it, but because all of you should. It's absolutely sickening.

On a lighter note our staff has expanded and coming this Monday you'll get to meet all of them. The latest music and movie reviews will be coming at ya, as well as the official restarting of Bordering on Retarded, by the writer of all writers Hoadman. A few more unnamed columns will be officially opened this week as well bringing more college perspectives to you, the college student. Video game reviews, political stances on all the latest, hottest issues, and much more. We also have a few female writers joining the staff to broaden our influence as well. The party pictures section will be back up very shortly and in the meantime we encourage you to check out everything else we have to offer. Where else can you submit pictures of your ex-boyfriend getting out of the shower, find new away messages, tell the world about your latest Theme Party Idea, while browsing thousands of drinks, funny pictures, and drinking games all at the same time? The only place is right fucking here at College Downtime, aka Utopia!

So summer has finally arrived for most of you, and while that does mean a break from school it also usually means starting a summer job. Well we want to hear what you do! If it's parking Ferrari's for a valet car service as Oaksmoke does, flipping burgers, painting houses, or working as Heidi Klum's personal love slave we want to hear about it! Whatever you're doing this summer we want to know. The Downtime staff is interested in where our viewers are making their beer money this semester, and whoever has the coolest summer job will get something absolutely delicious that I'm not entitled to say yet at this time! Post your summer job description now to enter the contest!

As I'm surfing the net I stopped by one my affiliates, BV Designs. I found a hilarious column that dissects the tendencies of how men and women act and go about their everyday life. This particular post deals with how men and women shower, from waking up all the way to drying off. Now this may sound pretty ridiculous, but it's pretty hysterical. Instead of linking it I decided to post it all here, although again this is taken from my good friend at BV Designs. Today is how to shower like a woman; tomorrow is for the men! Grab some popcorn and a case of your drinking poison and enjoy!

How to take a shower:

Like a woman...

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

Come back tomorrow for another update as we will be bringing you delicious daily updates from here on out partna! Or just stay here all night posting insane amounts of your own hilarious content while browsing more of ours. Whatever tickles your pickle. Now onto some exquisite linkage to kick off the summer!

Free College Term Papers and Essays at eCheat.com!
Sloppy Cat Bitch! - Caution Nudity!
College Free Stuff - Simple Enought?
That's just not right, or is it?
The best humor site on the planet - Chasem.net
Throw a Communist party this Friday, Comrade!
F'cking Mother F'cker! - Caution Nudity and Rage!
Mobile Asses - The joy of picture phones - Caution Nudity!
Babes and Stuff served Fresh Daily
Achtung! Ernie's House of Whoop Ass Ahead!
Funny Hot Videos for all of you living in Igloos
Where Cops meets Sportscenter - MUST SEE
Hangover research from the intoxicated brains at Retnuh!
Crazy Ass Number 13 - See for yourself!


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